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The person in the middle of the picture is Lee. Lee is one of two SFJ members that live in the UK. The crumpet flying at him is another running joke. I substituted the crumpet for what was a broken baseball bat. I like how everyone else is scared shitless of the out-of-control, runaway crumpet, but Lee can’t wait to get it.

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Here’s another Photoshop involving Larry from SFJ.

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30 years ago today, we lost the King. Elvis went to unleash a coiler and never came back. I’ve always liked Elvis, especially the early years when he was vibrant and could crap normally. There really is no point to this post other than a series of poop jokes. But, I do like Elvis.

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Today is the birthday of a forgotten man. In all honesty, I almost forgot about it myself. The man pictured is Robert G. Ingersoll. He lived from 1833 - 1899 and I am of the opinion that he should be more widely regarded (and honored) here in America. His writings helped change the course of my life for the better nearly 10 years ago and I thought I should share a few of my favorite Ingersoll quotes here.

Nothing is greater than to break the chains from the bodies of men — nothing nobler than to destroy the phantom of the soul.
– from an address by Robert G. Ingersoll

The man who does not do his own thinking is a slave, and is a traitor to himself and to his fellow-men.
– The Liberty of Man, Woman and Child

Who can over estimate the progress of the world if all the money wasted in superstition could be used to enlighten, elevate and civilize mankind?
– Some Mistakes of Moses

If there is a God who will damn his children forever, I would rather go to hell than to go to heaven and keep the society of such an infamous tyrant. I make my choice now. I despise that doctrine. It has covered the cheeks of this world with tears. It has polluted the hearts of children, and poisoned the imaginations of men…. What right have you, sir, Mr. clergyman, you, minister of the gospel to stand at the portals of the tomb, at the vestibule of eternity, and fill the future with horror and with fear? I do not believe this doctrine, neither do you. If you did, you could not sleep one moment. Any man who believes it, and has within his breast a decent, throbbing heart, will go insane. A man who believes that doctrine and does not go insane has the heart of a snake and the conscience of a hyena.
– The Liberty Of All (1877)

Happy birthday, Bob, and thanks.

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Ok, as promised here are two Photoshops of “The Larry” whom I introduced in the previous post.

Larry once told us of the time when a present was left for him. He thought it was candy and proceeded to eat it. As it turned out, it was one of his dog Freckles’ turds. So, I created this:

Now that Larry has a new webcam, we get a lot more Photoshop source material at SFJ. Here’s one I did recently:

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I know I missed Photoshop Friday this past week, but I have a good excuse. Jessi’s family flew in for the weekend to visit. We all had a great time and Photoshop Friday completely slipped my mind. I’ll make up for it this week with two Photoshops.

The photoshops this week will be of Larry. Larry is a member of sweetfeatheryjesus.com and is also a “wonk”. In fact, Larry is the original wonk since he is blind and has a wonky eye. That’s how the weirdos at SFJ got the name “wonk”. Larry was the original, consistently weird poster on that message board and is, to this very day, the Gold Standard of Wonkdom.

Over the past couple of weeks SFJ took up a collection to get Larry a webcam. This week, he received it and it has been well worth the money. Below is a video Larry shot of him doing an interpretive dance to the song that has become a phenomenon - “Chocolate Rain”. My favorite part is when Larry takes out his glass eye and waves it in the air like he just don’t care.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jnA94BERJsw

Here’s another video of Larry performing a song I wrote for him. It’s a parody of the Bee Gee’s hit “Stayin’ Alive” called, appropriately, “Stayin’ A Wonk”. There’s a lot of SFJ inside jokes in this song (lyrics available at my YouTube page), but the singing is pretty entertaining all by itself.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C3SoLuyuR2w

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Most of the people over at the sweetfeatheryjesus.com (SFJ) message board are pretty cool. However, there are a few weirdos - we call them Wonks (don’t ask, it’s a long story). I will start adding a few SFJ people to Photoshop Friday. I do most of my Photoshops of them anyway, so I have quite a backlog to share. Some will require a little history and I’ll give that too.

This is St. Jimmy.

Actually, it’s not really St. Jimmy. This was a photo posted on SFJ a while back that was attributed to being St. Jimmy. In actuality, I don’t know who it is, but we liked it so much we pretended it was really Jimmy and proceeded to Photoshop the hell out of it. St. Jimmy is a Wonk - which means he makes wonky-ass posts constantly. One day he revealed that he is hydrocephalic to which I responded, “You’re a waterhead? That explains nearly everything.”

Here’s my favorite Photoshop I’ve done so far of St. Jimmy.

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A while back on my other blog, I wrote a post about a Christmas confrontation I had with my aunt. I mentioned in passing that she was fighting cancer and, though we’ve never really gotten along, I wished her the best. She lost that fight today.

Sharon and I were always at odds with one another - we just didn’t gel. She married into my family and things were always rocky between us. Still, my heart goes out to my uncle Rick and their daughter, Jennifer. Jennifer just graduated high school and just learned one of the hardest lessons of life. It’s short. In this case, way too short.

Though Sharon and I didn’t get along, I never wanted this for her or her family. My preference would be that she still be around to fight and argue. She was always strong-willed and never backed down. Our little battle with each other is over now and, truthfully, nobody lost. Unfortunately nobody won either.

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I don’t understand it. I just don’t understand it. If you understand it, please let me know.

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